I attended a funeral today, of a longtime friend from my home church. Her first name was Linda as well. Because my parents' families lived out of town, the church I grew up in really was our "in-town" family--and the kids who went there are like brothers and sisters to me. My friend has struggled for nearly 25 years with pain from a serious car accident--and most recently had a stroke. Her death was unexpected, and jarring, because she was younger than me. The funeral was lovely; she had two brothers and two sisters and her oldest sister gave the most wonderful eulogy. Linda's most striking quality was her persistent positive attitude throughout the trials of her life--and her capacity for fun. Her sister also talked about how Linda loved beautiful things, and that now she was invited to a banquet--one that we are invited to as well. Then the pastor read from John 14, a beloved passage for funerals that has its basis in the Jewish wedding. The groom would tell his betrothed that he was going to prepare a place for her in his father's house (an annex on the family home), and that when it was ready he would come for her. That is what Jesus is saying to us in these verses--that He is prepare a place for us in His Father's house--heaven--and that when it is ready, that he will come for us who believe in Him. That got me to thinking about our remodeling process--we are in the process of putting new floors in the kitchen, living room and dining room, and we have had the ceilings redone, painting and wainscoting done and granite counter tops and new back splash in the kitchen. It's been two weeks, and while we are seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, we aren't quite done yet. It's exciting to see the progress, though--and I suddenly had a wonderful thought: if it takes this long just to do remodeling on our house, how awesome must the home be that Jesus is preparing for us in Heaven? The Bible says we can't imagine it--but it surely must be incredible! And the only thing holding him back is that he needs to build more rooms for those yet to accept Him!
It says in Ecclesiastes that it's better to go to a funeral than a party, because when you go to a funeral you gain a better perspective on what your life should be like. That's definitely true for me today. Someday, I will join my friend at the banquet in Heaven--will you? Jesus Christ died so that you could; and invites you to the table. You need to accept His invitation--not only to a banquet, but to a full life now--and let Him control your life. He will not take away the pain and trials of life, but He will give you the best gift of all--His presence, forgiveness and peace. And a hope that endures, just like the beautiful smile on my friend's face.
Saturday, June 29, 2013
Tuesday, June 25, 2013
Transformation
We are about halfway through the remodel--and until today, it's been more of a mess than anything. The ceilings were scraped off and redone, which left lots of dust everywhere on the main level of the house--and the stairways. The boys and I have all had respiratory problems--either from the dust or from a virus--and we've had to eat in the family room. I've had to make coffee in the downstairs bathroom, and had to get up early in case someone needed to get in. Life has been topsy-turvy, to say the least. But, now--it's starting to get exciting! Painting is done, and they put our hardwood floors in the living and dining room. I'd never seen hardwood floors done, and I was fascinated by the process--a huge jigsaw puzzle, where the pieces were hammered in with great force to produce a beautiful effect! It made me think about times in my life where I felt like things were in an awful mess--a big puzzle, with a lot of pieces missing. But, to God, they were all there--they just needed to be hammered in, and in my case, sometimes they needed to be hammered in forcefully. The hardest part in the whole process is when all you see looks like things are being dismantled--torn apart, ruined and just generally awful. At that point, it's a little hard to see what the finished product will be. In all honesty, this is the first time I've been a part of such an extensive remodel, and I've had a hard time visualizing what everything will look like. But now, I can get a glimpse, and I'm excited! Soon it will be done--and then comes the painful part; paying for it!
God, of course, doesn't let us see the whole process. He does give us glimpses in His Word of his final remodeling project in John 14, where He says that He has a place prepared for us--and he says no eye can see and no one can imagine how wonderful it will be in I Corinthians. Knowing how excited I am about our humble little remodeling project makes me even more anxious to see what God is doing for me in heaven--and what He is doing right now, in my mess. Remodeling is messy--but necessary to be transformed--and I SO want that, don't you?
God, of course, doesn't let us see the whole process. He does give us glimpses in His Word of his final remodeling project in John 14, where He says that He has a place prepared for us--and he says no eye can see and no one can imagine how wonderful it will be in I Corinthians. Knowing how excited I am about our humble little remodeling project makes me even more anxious to see what God is doing for me in heaven--and what He is doing right now, in my mess. Remodeling is messy--but necessary to be transformed--and I SO want that, don't you?
Tuesday, June 18, 2013
Taking Inventory
The words taking inventory have been monopolizing my thoughts for the last two months. First, because school was ending--and I always mentally take inventory of what I have done and what could have been improved. Second, because this was the last year in my current evaluation cycle--a very thorough process--and there are always areas in which to improve. Third, because I have had to pack up all of my stuff at school; I'm moving to a different room next year. This has been a good process, because I purged quite a bit and really had to decide "do I really need this?" And, fourth, because we are starting a huge remodeling project in our house. We've live here over 20 years and done nothing to the inside--so it's definitely time! We are putting in new floors, re-doing ceilings, painting, putting in wainscoting, granite countertops, etc. This meant we had to pack up our considerable amount of dishes and knick-knacks in the living room, dining room and kitchen (actually, Lance did the packing; he's really good at that!) and we had to put all of the furniture and knick-knacks either upstairs or in the garage. (And my boys, Brice and Evan helped Lance with that. I've really had more of a consultation role in the whole process.) It really does make you think about how much stuff you have--and the need to inventory. I've also been taking inventory personally--where am I now, and where do I want to be? What kind of a legacy do I want to leave? In all of this examination I'm reminded of how it says in Ecclesiastes that it's better to go to a funeral than a party--because at a funeral we examine our life. I'm at the age where funerals are more common--and where friends and family are aging--and I do have to agree with that concept. Funerals and aging make us think about our life and force us to stop and take inventory and think about what needs to be changed. This, however, isn't enough; I'm an idea person by nature, and have great ideas about things, but change requires action. And, I can tell you from our remodeling that change is MESSY. Sometimes things have to be moved around, even ripped up, in order to make the change complete. But it is so worth it! You might have to remind me of that next week, when we are still in the midst of the change process at the house, though! :) But change is a part of life, and we need it to be who God wants us to be. I'm so glad HE doesn't change--that his eternal love is always there, in the midst of the chaos.
Saturday, March 30, 2013
Stamina
I've been thinking a lot about stamina lately. My youngest son is a distance runner on the track team at his high school; I'm absolutely amazed that he even wants to do that, because I have asthma--and think I've had it as a kid because I never was able to run long without becoming short of breath. I've noticed, however, that the more he runs, the longer he is able to run. He's built up quite a bit of stamina after running every day after school and on weekends, and it really helps his focus.
It's the start of the 4th quarter at my school, and I've been talking to the kids about stamina as well; 4th quarter is a test of stamina for kids and teachers alike for many reasons. First, we only have one day off this quarter---compared to several days off in 3rd quarter for snow days, conferences, holidays and Spring Break. The weather gets nice, and those wiggly little bodies have such a hard time focusing on learning. And the teachers have so much to do before the end of the year---so we end up having a real test of stamina all the way around! Those of you that work with kids know exactly what I mean, and those of you that work in a quiet office cannot comprehend the challenge of getting 25 students to concentrate when they know the end is near---just multiply your anticipation of vacation times infinity, and you will begin to understand.
My personal struggle with stamina is with patience. I have always hated waiting; when I was little, waiting for Santa was excruciating. When I was single, waiting for my sweet husband was unbearable. But my biggest struggle with patience is what I like to think of as long-term patience--what the Bible calls being long-suffering. For example, at school, I can be pretty patient with our Kindergarteners, because many of them are inexperienced with school and really don't know how to act. But by the time they get to Fifth grade, I expect better results, and have more frustration----even though I know that developmentally things affect their behavior. At home, the first time I correct one of my boys, I'm pretty patient--but after the 250th time, it gets wearing (and often well before that!).
But while I have grown in patience, I am nowhere near Christ's example. In pondering Holy Week, and preparing for Easter, I am most amazed at Christ's patience on the cross. Crucifixion was designed to inflict the most pain and humiliation possible for the longest time---and before that Christ was lashed and beaten, humiliated, rejected and forsaken. And, if that wasn't bad enough, God forsook Him as well. And why? So you and I could have a relationship with God. And were we worthy? Loveable? On His side? NO! What's even more astounding is that at any point, He could have said, "That's it! I'm not going to take it anymore." He could have ordered thousands of angels to destroy those who were torturing Him. He could have made Earth a crater. But he didn't. Why? Because he loved me. Because He loved you.
Love is the true key to patience. The Bible says, "Love covers a multitude of sins." It also gives us stamina, because true love is not a feeling, it's a commitment. My husband and I will celebrate our
25 th anniversary this fall. While we still have warm fuzzies for each other, the real reason we are still together is about commitment. The reason we still love our boys is about commitment. The real reason I can go to work every day and love those little live wires is because of commitment. And the reason I have a relationship with Christ and can celebrate Easter is because of Christ's commitment. The Bible says God initiated it, and that it is only because of God that we are able to love Him.
It is fitting that the Bible calls life a race; it's a marathon, and we need to train ourselves in His Word so that we can cross the finish line with success. We have an audience in heaven watching, cheering us in, and a personal trainer called the Holy Spirit. Training is hard, but the rewards in eternity are worth it. And the best part? Jesus has shown us how to do it.
May you have a blessed Easter and renew your awe in Christ's sacrifice and celebrate that He is risen and coming again!
It's the start of the 4th quarter at my school, and I've been talking to the kids about stamina as well; 4th quarter is a test of stamina for kids and teachers alike for many reasons. First, we only have one day off this quarter---compared to several days off in 3rd quarter for snow days, conferences, holidays and Spring Break. The weather gets nice, and those wiggly little bodies have such a hard time focusing on learning. And the teachers have so much to do before the end of the year---so we end up having a real test of stamina all the way around! Those of you that work with kids know exactly what I mean, and those of you that work in a quiet office cannot comprehend the challenge of getting 25 students to concentrate when they know the end is near---just multiply your anticipation of vacation times infinity, and you will begin to understand.
My personal struggle with stamina is with patience. I have always hated waiting; when I was little, waiting for Santa was excruciating. When I was single, waiting for my sweet husband was unbearable. But my biggest struggle with patience is what I like to think of as long-term patience--what the Bible calls being long-suffering. For example, at school, I can be pretty patient with our Kindergarteners, because many of them are inexperienced with school and really don't know how to act. But by the time they get to Fifth grade, I expect better results, and have more frustration----even though I know that developmentally things affect their behavior. At home, the first time I correct one of my boys, I'm pretty patient--but after the 250th time, it gets wearing (and often well before that!).
But while I have grown in patience, I am nowhere near Christ's example. In pondering Holy Week, and preparing for Easter, I am most amazed at Christ's patience on the cross. Crucifixion was designed to inflict the most pain and humiliation possible for the longest time---and before that Christ was lashed and beaten, humiliated, rejected and forsaken. And, if that wasn't bad enough, God forsook Him as well. And why? So you and I could have a relationship with God. And were we worthy? Loveable? On His side? NO! What's even more astounding is that at any point, He could have said, "That's it! I'm not going to take it anymore." He could have ordered thousands of angels to destroy those who were torturing Him. He could have made Earth a crater. But he didn't. Why? Because he loved me. Because He loved you.
Love is the true key to patience. The Bible says, "Love covers a multitude of sins." It also gives us stamina, because true love is not a feeling, it's a commitment. My husband and I will celebrate our
25 th anniversary this fall. While we still have warm fuzzies for each other, the real reason we are still together is about commitment. The reason we still love our boys is about commitment. The real reason I can go to work every day and love those little live wires is because of commitment. And the reason I have a relationship with Christ and can celebrate Easter is because of Christ's commitment. The Bible says God initiated it, and that it is only because of God that we are able to love Him.
It is fitting that the Bible calls life a race; it's a marathon, and we need to train ourselves in His Word so that we can cross the finish line with success. We have an audience in heaven watching, cheering us in, and a personal trainer called the Holy Spirit. Training is hard, but the rewards in eternity are worth it. And the best part? Jesus has shown us how to do it.
May you have a blessed Easter and renew your awe in Christ's sacrifice and celebrate that He is risen and coming again!
Saturday, March 23, 2013
Making the Grade
I'm thinking about grades today; that's because where we are; it is Spring Break, and the quarter ended last week. I have until Monday at 11:30 am to get grades for 445 elementary students on the computer, so that grade cards can be printed off. And, I should mention, that I grade my students in four areas: Participation, Behavior, Skill and Knowledge. I also give them a letter grade for effort. So, you can see that they are heavy on my mind.
I'm rather conflicted about grades, really. I grew up in a home where they were important, and I always tried to get good grades. But grades don't always tell the whole story; for example, Elvis Presley received a C in his eighth grade music class! I also have a friend who plays guitar incredibly well and writes his own songs--and he failed music in elementary school. While I think we do a much better job now of assessing where students are, it is very hard to communicate all the complexity of learning and achievement that happens in the classroom. That's why I dislike intensely standardized tests and high-stakes testing.
This is not to say that I don't have high expectations for students or that I think there should be no standards. I think excellence is sorely needed in our current culture, but I also think we all get there in different ways. It's a combination of hard work, motivation, and finding your strengths. What I want to avoid is telling any student that they are a failure; and I work very hard to find a way for them to succeed.
I think many people believe that God grades "on a curve," that He weighs our good and our bad and that if they both equal out, that we are going to pass His class. That, however, is not God's standard--he gives all sin a big, fat "F," because His standard is holiness. His standard is Himself. There is no difference between a white lie and murder to Him--they all are sin and miss the standard. We have no hope of passing His test on our own; that's why we need Jesus. After we accept what Jesus has done, God gives us a passing grade--not because of what we have done, but because Jesus took the excruciating final exam for all of us. His whole life was preparation for it; and he passed the test with flying colors. Remember that Jesus asked if he could substitute his assignment for something else in the Garden of Gethsemane; he knew just how excruciating it would be, and, in his humanity, he wanted to have another assignment. But, He accepted God's assignment for Him, and now we have the opportunity to enroll in the curriculum of Heaven.
While God did not make us take the ultimate test for our sin, once we enroll in his class, he does give pop quizzes on a regular basis. They are called trials. Sometimes they are trivial things, like having to wait in line, and sometimes they are huge, ugly things, like cancer. But the Bible says they are for our good. From a teacher's point of view, assessments in class are designed for the purpose of seeing if the instruction was effective; I tell my students that a test is a way for me to see if I have been doing my job correctly, and if they have been doing their job correctly. God gives us tests in a similar manner--he wants to know if we have passed his curriculum found in Galations 5: goodness, faithfulness, kindness, meekness, patience, love and all the rest. And he is so patient: He will give the same test multiple times until we pass it. We don't get the opportunity to skip one, because each test is designed to make us more like Him. At the end of our test, we only receive a pass or fail grade. This is true at the end of life as well; the test of our life won't be how much money we made, what kind of house we lived in, or what kind of car we drove (or if we wrote a blog!). The final exam will be whether or not we accepted Jesus, and what we did for eternal causes.
Take it from one who has passed some tests, is still cramming for others and has had many re-takes; God enrolls us in his classroom for our best, and wants more than anything for us to pass. So, if you have to re-take a test, don't worry. It just means that your Teacher wants you to graduate to Glory.
I'm rather conflicted about grades, really. I grew up in a home where they were important, and I always tried to get good grades. But grades don't always tell the whole story; for example, Elvis Presley received a C in his eighth grade music class! I also have a friend who plays guitar incredibly well and writes his own songs--and he failed music in elementary school. While I think we do a much better job now of assessing where students are, it is very hard to communicate all the complexity of learning and achievement that happens in the classroom. That's why I dislike intensely standardized tests and high-stakes testing.
This is not to say that I don't have high expectations for students or that I think there should be no standards. I think excellence is sorely needed in our current culture, but I also think we all get there in different ways. It's a combination of hard work, motivation, and finding your strengths. What I want to avoid is telling any student that they are a failure; and I work very hard to find a way for them to succeed.
I think many people believe that God grades "on a curve," that He weighs our good and our bad and that if they both equal out, that we are going to pass His class. That, however, is not God's standard--he gives all sin a big, fat "F," because His standard is holiness. His standard is Himself. There is no difference between a white lie and murder to Him--they all are sin and miss the standard. We have no hope of passing His test on our own; that's why we need Jesus. After we accept what Jesus has done, God gives us a passing grade--not because of what we have done, but because Jesus took the excruciating final exam for all of us. His whole life was preparation for it; and he passed the test with flying colors. Remember that Jesus asked if he could substitute his assignment for something else in the Garden of Gethsemane; he knew just how excruciating it would be, and, in his humanity, he wanted to have another assignment. But, He accepted God's assignment for Him, and now we have the opportunity to enroll in the curriculum of Heaven.
While God did not make us take the ultimate test for our sin, once we enroll in his class, he does give pop quizzes on a regular basis. They are called trials. Sometimes they are trivial things, like having to wait in line, and sometimes they are huge, ugly things, like cancer. But the Bible says they are for our good. From a teacher's point of view, assessments in class are designed for the purpose of seeing if the instruction was effective; I tell my students that a test is a way for me to see if I have been doing my job correctly, and if they have been doing their job correctly. God gives us tests in a similar manner--he wants to know if we have passed his curriculum found in Galations 5: goodness, faithfulness, kindness, meekness, patience, love and all the rest. And he is so patient: He will give the same test multiple times until we pass it. We don't get the opportunity to skip one, because each test is designed to make us more like Him. At the end of our test, we only receive a pass or fail grade. This is true at the end of life as well; the test of our life won't be how much money we made, what kind of house we lived in, or what kind of car we drove (or if we wrote a blog!). The final exam will be whether or not we accepted Jesus, and what we did for eternal causes.
Take it from one who has passed some tests, is still cramming for others and has had many re-takes; God enrolls us in his classroom for our best, and wants more than anything for us to pass. So, if you have to re-take a test, don't worry. It just means that your Teacher wants you to graduate to Glory.
Thursday, March 21, 2013
High school memories--with a 21st century twist
I have to tell you about the most fun part of my day. My youngest son asked me to provide transportation for an activity sponsored by our church's youth group. This was a big deal, because this is the son who for years did not want me to come to such events because he feared I would embarrass him. My naturally gregarious personality and loud voice is to blame for that--as well as my love of teasing him. He's so great to tease because I always get a reaction. :) So, I was thrilled to be invited. And I must tell you I have worked extra hard not to embarrass him. I was more excited to find out that the activity was one I did with my church youth group years ago. With the gap in our ages and the changes that have occured in the past 30+ years, it really is difficult to find such a thing. The activity was a photo scavenger hunt. I told my son that we had done that years ago with Polaroid cameras. His next question was "What's a Polaroid camera?" So, I had to explain how the first instant camera worked. We picked up a friend of his that we've known for years and headed to church.
When we got there, the assistant youth pastor in charge gave us the rules (be safe, don't embarrass yourself or the church--the usual things said at an event like this) and then gave us a paper with the following list of pictures that we were supposed to obtain. In case you work with teens and need a great idea, here they are:
Adventure Time
Recess
Best Place to Study
Fictional Character
Favorite Restaurant
Best Hangout
Celebrity Photo
Movie Scene
Altitude
Very little description was given of the categories so that the groups could be creative. While I loved this activity as a kid, I have to tell you as an educator that this is exactly what employers are looking for in what they call "21st-century skills;" this activity required collaboration, creativity, problem-solving and time management in order to succeed. I love it when ideas are timeless! :)
My son ended up in a group with three other young men that he's known at least since elementary school. One of the boys was born twelve hours before him, and I grew up with his mother. So, I've had the great privilege of watching these friends bond and grow up through the years. They are just great guys--polite, smart, funny and, in general, everything that is the opposite of what you generally hear about teenage boys. Their first step was to look at the list, come up with ideas, and plan an itinerary. Then, we started on our great adventure.
Before I tell you about our first stop, I should tell you that it is Spring Break where we are. You may imagine Spring Break where you are being warm and conducive to outside activities, such as driving a group of boys around for a photo scavenger hunt. However, the weather today did not meet the standard. We are not in the polar regions or the Northeast, but it is not uncommon for us to get snow in January and February--and we had four snow days this year and in most of the surrounding school districts. March is a mixed bag in these parts--some years it's warm, and some years it's more like winter. Today we had big snowflakes coming down as we began our adventure with four teen boys, ranging in height from 5 feet, 8 inches tall to above 6 feet, with their 5 foot, 5 inch driver in a Chrysler PT Cruiser. If you're not familiar with that model, it has bucket seats in front, and space for three people in the back, as long as they are skinny. We had plenty of room in the front, but it is safe to say they were at least snug in the back! Our first stop was to a park nearby, which has a small lake and a playground. The boys piled out of my car and took two photos IN THE SNOW, one by the lake with a metal sculpture resembling a sea serpent/dragon, and one on the playground. I stayed in the car while one of the boys took pictures with his twin sister's camera. The piled back in the car and we headed to our next stop--the local branch of the public library. There, the boys posed with a giant teddy bear while reading books, and with a poster of Yoda with the caption, "Read--and the force will be with you."
The next stop was a nearby McDonalds for lunch and more photos; my son caught one of the members of the group in mid-sneeze, which was the source of much laughter. Then, we headed to Target. I should tell you that these guys were well-behaved, and for teen boys, fairly quiet. Once in Target, we headed to the toy department. They found Batman, Iron Man, and Hulk masks and a Captain America shield, and created a movie scene from a superhero movie there. I only had to say "excuse us" once to a mom and her daughter as we were there. Then we went to the entertainment section. My son, who has very definite tastes and dislikes Justin Bieber intensely, found a Bieber DVD and posed with it for their celebrity photo. I loved the creativity of these boys, and the comfort level they had with each other; everyone's ideas were considered, and no one was offended if theirs was not ultimately chosen. Our brief car rides were a combination of movie quotes, YouTube video reenactments, and singing--a teenage boy soundtrack with bass, tenor and falsetto voices, lots of laughter and comeraderie. It warmed my heart and entertained me at the same time. And it was almost constant; as verbal as I am, I couldn't get a word in edgewise.
We ended up back at church for one more photo from a creative camera angle, and then these guys who had been together for two hours sat and talked some more with some of the other groups. All of these kids are so at ease with each other--and so accepting. Power plays, gossip, and meanness were not existent. If you have a teenager, my prayer is that your son or daughter finds friends like the friends both of my sons have found; their friends accept them for who they are, and have the same faith and values. They are there in good times and bad, and when they get together it is a safe place. And they love to get together; my youngest son and his friends go to movies frequently (superhero, sci-fi teen boy fare) and get together for lunch and have had many birthday parties and other gatherings through the years. It's so good to know that they have good friends, and I love those boys as if they were my own. And the best part? We didn't have much to do with it. All we did was join a church with a great children's ministry and a great youth ministry. That's how our boys became friends--through all those shared experiences. And while our church has great programs, the best part of those ministries is the people who are there, serving the kids. Our youth pastor has been at our church since our oldest was in 8th grade; that boy is now out of college. That consistency, and the caliber of the adults serving there and their unconditional love has been the catalyst for great things for our kids. And for us as well. We know the parents of these kids--and they have been blessing to us. I haven't had so much fun in many years as I had today--and I saw God at work in who these young men are becoming.
The most special part of today was having a shared experience with my son and his friends--with a digital camera, cell phones, texting, Facebook and all of those 21st century methods--that was much like what I experienced years ago. It really is true--the more things change, the more they stay the same.
When we got there, the assistant youth pastor in charge gave us the rules (be safe, don't embarrass yourself or the church--the usual things said at an event like this) and then gave us a paper with the following list of pictures that we were supposed to obtain. In case you work with teens and need a great idea, here they are:
Adventure Time
Recess
Best Place to Study
Fictional Character
Favorite Restaurant
Best Hangout
Celebrity Photo
Movie Scene
Altitude
Very little description was given of the categories so that the groups could be creative. While I loved this activity as a kid, I have to tell you as an educator that this is exactly what employers are looking for in what they call "21st-century skills;" this activity required collaboration, creativity, problem-solving and time management in order to succeed. I love it when ideas are timeless! :)
My son ended up in a group with three other young men that he's known at least since elementary school. One of the boys was born twelve hours before him, and I grew up with his mother. So, I've had the great privilege of watching these friends bond and grow up through the years. They are just great guys--polite, smart, funny and, in general, everything that is the opposite of what you generally hear about teenage boys. Their first step was to look at the list, come up with ideas, and plan an itinerary. Then, we started on our great adventure.
Before I tell you about our first stop, I should tell you that it is Spring Break where we are. You may imagine Spring Break where you are being warm and conducive to outside activities, such as driving a group of boys around for a photo scavenger hunt. However, the weather today did not meet the standard. We are not in the polar regions or the Northeast, but it is not uncommon for us to get snow in January and February--and we had four snow days this year and in most of the surrounding school districts. March is a mixed bag in these parts--some years it's warm, and some years it's more like winter. Today we had big snowflakes coming down as we began our adventure with four teen boys, ranging in height from 5 feet, 8 inches tall to above 6 feet, with their 5 foot, 5 inch driver in a Chrysler PT Cruiser. If you're not familiar with that model, it has bucket seats in front, and space for three people in the back, as long as they are skinny. We had plenty of room in the front, but it is safe to say they were at least snug in the back! Our first stop was to a park nearby, which has a small lake and a playground. The boys piled out of my car and took two photos IN THE SNOW, one by the lake with a metal sculpture resembling a sea serpent/dragon, and one on the playground. I stayed in the car while one of the boys took pictures with his twin sister's camera. The piled back in the car and we headed to our next stop--the local branch of the public library. There, the boys posed with a giant teddy bear while reading books, and with a poster of Yoda with the caption, "Read--and the force will be with you."
The next stop was a nearby McDonalds for lunch and more photos; my son caught one of the members of the group in mid-sneeze, which was the source of much laughter. Then, we headed to Target. I should tell you that these guys were well-behaved, and for teen boys, fairly quiet. Once in Target, we headed to the toy department. They found Batman, Iron Man, and Hulk masks and a Captain America shield, and created a movie scene from a superhero movie there. I only had to say "excuse us" once to a mom and her daughter as we were there. Then we went to the entertainment section. My son, who has very definite tastes and dislikes Justin Bieber intensely, found a Bieber DVD and posed with it for their celebrity photo. I loved the creativity of these boys, and the comfort level they had with each other; everyone's ideas were considered, and no one was offended if theirs was not ultimately chosen. Our brief car rides were a combination of movie quotes, YouTube video reenactments, and singing--a teenage boy soundtrack with bass, tenor and falsetto voices, lots of laughter and comeraderie. It warmed my heart and entertained me at the same time. And it was almost constant; as verbal as I am, I couldn't get a word in edgewise.
We ended up back at church for one more photo from a creative camera angle, and then these guys who had been together for two hours sat and talked some more with some of the other groups. All of these kids are so at ease with each other--and so accepting. Power plays, gossip, and meanness were not existent. If you have a teenager, my prayer is that your son or daughter finds friends like the friends both of my sons have found; their friends accept them for who they are, and have the same faith and values. They are there in good times and bad, and when they get together it is a safe place. And they love to get together; my youngest son and his friends go to movies frequently (superhero, sci-fi teen boy fare) and get together for lunch and have had many birthday parties and other gatherings through the years. It's so good to know that they have good friends, and I love those boys as if they were my own. And the best part? We didn't have much to do with it. All we did was join a church with a great children's ministry and a great youth ministry. That's how our boys became friends--through all those shared experiences. And while our church has great programs, the best part of those ministries is the people who are there, serving the kids. Our youth pastor has been at our church since our oldest was in 8th grade; that boy is now out of college. That consistency, and the caliber of the adults serving there and their unconditional love has been the catalyst for great things for our kids. And for us as well. We know the parents of these kids--and they have been blessing to us. I haven't had so much fun in many years as I had today--and I saw God at work in who these young men are becoming.
The most special part of today was having a shared experience with my son and his friends--with a digital camera, cell phones, texting, Facebook and all of those 21st century methods--that was much like what I experienced years ago. It really is true--the more things change, the more they stay the same.
Wednesday, March 20, 2013
The Present in the Past, and the Past in the Present
Now, don't start worrying that I've developed early-onset dementia by my title. It will all be made clear as I tell you about my day. And, yes, dear reader, you may have noticed that this is my second post today, and that my first was pretty long. I'm on Spring Break, in a house full of males, so I have more words in my head than usual.
I found the present in the past today. My parents are both still alive and live about 20 minutes from my house, in the same house where I spent my late junior high to single adult years. They are both getting older, and I am finding it more necessary to go over there and check on them as the years pass. After I visited them, I took a route back towards home that I hadn't traveled in quite awhile. It was a bit nostalgic, as we passed by the school where both of our boys attended grade school (and beyond--but that's another post) and past a route I've taken many times for many reasons through the years. Every route that you take often has landmarks--and this one did as well. My landmarks are often stores, schools, restaurants--things like that. I was expecting to find the past on that road--but something amazing happened instead. My landmarks--many of them--were gone, or changed completely. A school where I substitute taught about 8 years ago and passed often was now a senior adult living community. They had completely torn the building down and rebuilt the facility. It was a little jarring, at first, to expect one thing and see another, but I was grateful that at least the closed school had been replaced by something useful. A favorite restaurant had morphed into a pharmacy. A teacher supply store was closed. A flower shop was a credit union. I now understood that old saying that you can't go home....because the home you remembered really isn't there. I was just grateful that many of my landmarks were at least still useful. I passed by a house where a friend from a former church used to live--and wondered if they still lived there. Change is often so gradual that we don't realize it--until we go to an old neighborhood, or see a child we've not seen in several years. And, yet, I'm grateful in many ways that I have changed. I'm not who I was 10, 20 or 30 years ago--and, in many ways the changes have been good--and that gives me hope that in 10, 20 or 30 more years that there will still be good changes. That's the work of the Holy Spirit--and I so desperately need it! So, the present wasn't so bad, after all.
I drove home, and then drove to my beauty salon. I used to go to the cheap salon and get a different stylist every time, but I didn't like it. I had a few less-than-desireable haircuts, but what I really missed was the realtionship. I've finally found a place I like that is a) affordable, which makes my husband happy, and b) not far from home. Most importantly, I've found a great stylist; she's talkative enough to be interesting, but not so much that I'm worried about how my hair will turn out. And my hair always looks good after she's done. I trust her so much that I recently let her color out the gray hair--and I love it! I walked into the salon and sat down, having to wait quite awhile for my haircut. (My stylist is always busy--because she's great and has a wonderful personality. She asks about my family and is lots of fun!) While I was waiting, a man came to the counter and said he and his son needed haircuts. They both had the same name; to protect their names in the unlikely event that they have entered my blogosphere, their names were Nate (dad) and Nathan (son). Nathan was about two years old with the most darling blue eyes and tousled hair.
The first thing I noticed about him was how well he obeyed his mom. I'm a teacher, and I can tell you that when a kid minds anymore, it's worth noticing! He went to the edge of the carpet, and when mom said in a firm voice, "you'd better not go any farther," he came back by her. He played with one of those toys that has wires and colored beads, and you can manipulate the beads all over the wires. He reminded me so much of one of our boys--and to protect them from embarassment, I won't tell you which one. Our boys are both in high school and/or college, but at that moment, I found the past in the present. Little Nathan was playing with a toy just like what my boys loved to play with, and he had such a cute personality. After I noticed his compliance, he held his hands out and said, "Where's Daddy?" in the adorable accent of a two-year-old. I was again transported back to when one of our boys would always want everyone in the room, asking where they were if they went anywhere. Then, this inquisitive two-year-old began to ask "What's that?" about everything around him; cars outside, the geese outside, which he deemed to be "ducks," and even an older lady's cane. Again, just like my boy. I was completely captivated, and began a conversation with him. When I left to go to the shampoo bowl, I had to sit and wait and my little friend did the cutest thing; he patted the chair where I had been sitting as if to ask me to come back, and then held out a magazine, as if to be more inviting. He was such a charmer, just like my little boy back then. His mother even called him a flirt--which my boy was called as well. It warmed my heart to see the juxtaposition of the past in the present in this way, and I went on with my appointment. All this time Nate was getting a pretty spiffy haircut--shaved up the sides, spikey on top, the works. Nate was on the other side of the salon from me, but I caught a glance at him when I was waiting for my stylist. Nathan was aptly named, because he looked just like his dad. About halfway through my haircut, things changed drastically. We heard a plaintive wail of "Mama! Mama! " accompanied with crying, and, of course tears. My little friend was having a turn in the barber's chair, and he was not happy! My stylist's initial reaction was hysterical--she replied "another satisfied customer!" I smiled at that moment--not to make fun of my little friend, but because I now COULD. You see, I was once the mama with the little man in the chair who cried, screamed and absolutely HATED haircuts. My little man had to sit on my lap, and we tried everything from physically keeping him in the chair to bribing him to get him through the ordeal of a haircut from the time of his first haircut until he was about four. The problem with a toddler is that you can't make them understand why they have to do things. You can't reason with them. It's really awful when they don't like something and you have to make them do it--whether it's taking medicine, going to bed, potty training, or a haircut. I remember thinking thoughts at the time like "they must think I'm a terrible parent!" and "when will this end?" It was stressful, humiliating, and sad, and I felt like a failure. But now, I smiled, and I realized that most people in there were smiling as well--especially after the haircut was done. We all realized that those things happen when you have little people, and that the kid wasn't a brat--he just didn't understand. We all knew that the stylist was doing his best, as were mom and dad and even my little friend, and that it would all be OK in a few minutes. And, it was. Nathan appeared with a darling haircut and a few tears, and a ring pop from the stylist. As he was leaving, he saw me and waved goodbye. Then he said, "Goodbye, lady!" And so, there was a happy ending.
As I reflect on my day, I have a few thoughts. First, we only have a limited amount of time for opportunities around us. Just like the landscape of a well-traveled route in my past changed, the world is constantly changing. We need to make the most of the opportunties presented to us--because there is no guarantee that they will be there tomorrow. Second, time really does change your perspective. I remember the stress of having a toddler--and an elementary school student--and a middle school student--and soccer games, school projects, and a host of other past life experiences. At the time, many things seem overwhelming and larger than life; but, with time, we gain perspective. If you are a young mom with little kids, let me just say that you have the toughest job in the world--and at the same time the most precious one. When your little people don't understand and throw a fit, remember that their behavior is not directed at you. They don't understand, or can't communicate how they feel yet. They love you, and they need you to hang on and ride out the storm and love them unconditionally before, during and after it. I also smiled at my little friend--because sometimes his cries were more demanding. He still said mama's name, but occasionally in the tone of voice that seemed to ask, "Why aren't you doing anything about this?" Sometimes, we approach God in the same way--we cry to him, sometimes out of desperation, and sometimes with a demand, as if to question why He's not answering. I'm so thankful that He hears us, and knows when to step in, and when to recognize we just aren't mature yet.
Some day, you may be somewhere and run into a child that reminds you of yours, and at that moment you will smile. It may be 15 or 20 years later, but that smile will come, if you look for it. And, if you are an older woman, remember what it was like if you had children and encourage those young gals all you can. Pray for them. And, most importantly, model grace, forgiveness and love in your life. My sweet in-laws adopted a family in their church when they were in their late 50s or early 60s, before their own grandchildren arrived. The family had twin boys and needed extra help after their delivery. My in-laws loved those boys and their parents, and consider them as much grandsons as their biological grandsons. We embroidered shirts with the names of the grandkids for them one year--and the twins names had to be included! It was a great gift for that young family--and also for my in-laws. Those twin boys are now grown and married, and still the loving relationship remains. I think this is a great example for us all--we need each other. The Bible encourages us older gals to mentor younger gals--to cultivate relationships and pass on what we know. That's sorely lacking in our culture, and we all need it. That, and a smile. Because the past can sometimes help us in the present.
Love someone today. Actually, where I am, it's tomorrow. Good night!..---Your Warrior Princess
I found the present in the past today. My parents are both still alive and live about 20 minutes from my house, in the same house where I spent my late junior high to single adult years. They are both getting older, and I am finding it more necessary to go over there and check on them as the years pass. After I visited them, I took a route back towards home that I hadn't traveled in quite awhile. It was a bit nostalgic, as we passed by the school where both of our boys attended grade school (and beyond--but that's another post) and past a route I've taken many times for many reasons through the years. Every route that you take often has landmarks--and this one did as well. My landmarks are often stores, schools, restaurants--things like that. I was expecting to find the past on that road--but something amazing happened instead. My landmarks--many of them--were gone, or changed completely. A school where I substitute taught about 8 years ago and passed often was now a senior adult living community. They had completely torn the building down and rebuilt the facility. It was a little jarring, at first, to expect one thing and see another, but I was grateful that at least the closed school had been replaced by something useful. A favorite restaurant had morphed into a pharmacy. A teacher supply store was closed. A flower shop was a credit union. I now understood that old saying that you can't go home....because the home you remembered really isn't there. I was just grateful that many of my landmarks were at least still useful. I passed by a house where a friend from a former church used to live--and wondered if they still lived there. Change is often so gradual that we don't realize it--until we go to an old neighborhood, or see a child we've not seen in several years. And, yet, I'm grateful in many ways that I have changed. I'm not who I was 10, 20 or 30 years ago--and, in many ways the changes have been good--and that gives me hope that in 10, 20 or 30 more years that there will still be good changes. That's the work of the Holy Spirit--and I so desperately need it! So, the present wasn't so bad, after all.
The first thing I noticed about him was how well he obeyed his mom. I'm a teacher, and I can tell you that when a kid minds anymore, it's worth noticing! He went to the edge of the carpet, and when mom said in a firm voice, "you'd better not go any farther," he came back by her. He played with one of those toys that has wires and colored beads, and you can manipulate the beads all over the wires. He reminded me so much of one of our boys--and to protect them from embarassment, I won't tell you which one. Our boys are both in high school and/or college, but at that moment, I found the past in the present. Little Nathan was playing with a toy just like what my boys loved to play with, and he had such a cute personality. After I noticed his compliance, he held his hands out and said, "Where's Daddy?" in the adorable accent of a two-year-old. I was again transported back to when one of our boys would always want everyone in the room, asking where they were if they went anywhere. Then, this inquisitive two-year-old began to ask "What's that?" about everything around him; cars outside, the geese outside, which he deemed to be "ducks," and even an older lady's cane. Again, just like my boy. I was completely captivated, and began a conversation with him. When I left to go to the shampoo bowl, I had to sit and wait and my little friend did the cutest thing; he patted the chair where I had been sitting as if to ask me to come back, and then held out a magazine, as if to be more inviting. He was such a charmer, just like my little boy back then. His mother even called him a flirt--which my boy was called as well. It warmed my heart to see the juxtaposition of the past in the present in this way, and I went on with my appointment. All this time Nate was getting a pretty spiffy haircut--shaved up the sides, spikey on top, the works. Nate was on the other side of the salon from me, but I caught a glance at him when I was waiting for my stylist. Nathan was aptly named, because he looked just like his dad. About halfway through my haircut, things changed drastically. We heard a plaintive wail of "Mama! Mama! " accompanied with crying, and, of course tears. My little friend was having a turn in the barber's chair, and he was not happy! My stylist's initial reaction was hysterical--she replied "another satisfied customer!" I smiled at that moment--not to make fun of my little friend, but because I now COULD. You see, I was once the mama with the little man in the chair who cried, screamed and absolutely HATED haircuts. My little man had to sit on my lap, and we tried everything from physically keeping him in the chair to bribing him to get him through the ordeal of a haircut from the time of his first haircut until he was about four. The problem with a toddler is that you can't make them understand why they have to do things. You can't reason with them. It's really awful when they don't like something and you have to make them do it--whether it's taking medicine, going to bed, potty training, or a haircut. I remember thinking thoughts at the time like "they must think I'm a terrible parent!" and "when will this end?" It was stressful, humiliating, and sad, and I felt like a failure. But now, I smiled, and I realized that most people in there were smiling as well--especially after the haircut was done. We all realized that those things happen when you have little people, and that the kid wasn't a brat--he just didn't understand. We all knew that the stylist was doing his best, as were mom and dad and even my little friend, and that it would all be OK in a few minutes. And, it was. Nathan appeared with a darling haircut and a few tears, and a ring pop from the stylist. As he was leaving, he saw me and waved goodbye. Then he said, "Goodbye, lady!" And so, there was a happy ending.
As I reflect on my day, I have a few thoughts. First, we only have a limited amount of time for opportunities around us. Just like the landscape of a well-traveled route in my past changed, the world is constantly changing. We need to make the most of the opportunties presented to us--because there is no guarantee that they will be there tomorrow. Second, time really does change your perspective. I remember the stress of having a toddler--and an elementary school student--and a middle school student--and soccer games, school projects, and a host of other past life experiences. At the time, many things seem overwhelming and larger than life; but, with time, we gain perspective. If you are a young mom with little kids, let me just say that you have the toughest job in the world--and at the same time the most precious one. When your little people don't understand and throw a fit, remember that their behavior is not directed at you. They don't understand, or can't communicate how they feel yet. They love you, and they need you to hang on and ride out the storm and love them unconditionally before, during and after it. I also smiled at my little friend--because sometimes his cries were more demanding. He still said mama's name, but occasionally in the tone of voice that seemed to ask, "Why aren't you doing anything about this?" Sometimes, we approach God in the same way--we cry to him, sometimes out of desperation, and sometimes with a demand, as if to question why He's not answering. I'm so thankful that He hears us, and knows when to step in, and when to recognize we just aren't mature yet.
Some day, you may be somewhere and run into a child that reminds you of yours, and at that moment you will smile. It may be 15 or 20 years later, but that smile will come, if you look for it. And, if you are an older woman, remember what it was like if you had children and encourage those young gals all you can. Pray for them. And, most importantly, model grace, forgiveness and love in your life. My sweet in-laws adopted a family in their church when they were in their late 50s or early 60s, before their own grandchildren arrived. The family had twin boys and needed extra help after their delivery. My in-laws loved those boys and their parents, and consider them as much grandsons as their biological grandsons. We embroidered shirts with the names of the grandkids for them one year--and the twins names had to be included! It was a great gift for that young family--and also for my in-laws. Those twin boys are now grown and married, and still the loving relationship remains. I think this is a great example for us all--we need each other. The Bible encourages us older gals to mentor younger gals--to cultivate relationships and pass on what we know. That's sorely lacking in our culture, and we all need it. That, and a smile. Because the past can sometimes help us in the present.
Love someone today. Actually, where I am, it's tomorrow. Good night!..---Your Warrior Princess
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