The Present in the Past, and the Past in the Present

Now, don't start worrying that I've developed early-onset dementia by my title.  It will all be made clear as I tell you about my day.  And, yes, dear reader, you may have noticed that this is my second post today, and that my first was pretty long.  I'm on Spring Break, in a house full of males, so I have more words in my head than usual. 

I found the present in the past today.  My parents are both still alive and live about 20 minutes from my house, in the same house where I spent my late junior high to single adult years.  They are both getting older,  and I am finding it more necessary to go over there and check on them as the years pass.  After I visited them, I took a route back towards home that I hadn't traveled in quite awhile.  It was a bit nostalgic, as we passed by the school where both of our boys attended grade school (and beyond--but that's another post) and past a route I've taken many times for many reasons through the years.  Every route that you take often has landmarks--and this one did as well.  My landmarks are often stores, schools, restaurants--things like that.  I was expecting to find the past on that road--but something amazing happened instead.  My landmarks--many of them--were gone, or changed completely.  A school where I substitute taught about 8 years ago and passed often was now a senior adult living community.  They had completely torn the building down and rebuilt the facility.  It was a little jarring, at first, to expect one thing and see another, but I was grateful that at least the closed school had been replaced by something useful.  A favorite restaurant had morphed into a pharmacy.  A teacher supply store was closed.  A flower shop was a credit union.  I now understood that old saying that you can't go home....because the home you remembered really isn't there.  I was just grateful that many of my landmarks were at least still useful.  I passed by a house where a friend from a former church used to live--and wondered if they still lived there.  Change is often so gradual that we don't realize it--until we go to an old neighborhood, or see a child we've not seen in several years.  And, yet, I'm grateful in many ways that I have changed.  I'm not who I was 10, 20 or 30 years ago--and, in many ways the changes have been good--and that gives me hope that in 10, 20 or 30 more years that there will still be good changes.  That's the work of the Holy Spirit--and I so desperately need it!  So, the present wasn't so bad, after all.

I drove home, and then drove to my beauty salon.  I used to go to the cheap salon and get a different stylist every time, but I didn't like it.  I had a few less-than-desireable haircuts, but what I really missed was the realtionship.  I've finally found a place I like that is a) affordable, which makes my husband happy, and b) not far from home.  Most importantly, I've found a great stylist; she's talkative enough to be interesting, but not so much that I'm worried about how my hair will turn out.  And my hair always looks good after she's done.  I trust her so much that I recently let her color out the gray hair--and I love it!  I walked into the salon and sat down, having to wait quite awhile for my haircut.  (My stylist is always busy--because she's great and has a wonderful personality.  She asks about my family and is lots of fun!)  While I was waiting, a man came to the counter and said he and his son needed haircuts.  They both had the same name; to protect their names in the unlikely event that they have entered my blogosphere, their names were Nate (dad) and Nathan (son).  Nathan was about two years old with the most darling blue eyes and tousled hair. 

The first thing I noticed about him was how well he obeyed his mom.  I'm a teacher, and I can tell you that when a kid minds anymore, it's worth noticing!  He went to the edge of the carpet, and when mom said in a firm voice, "you'd better not go any farther," he came back by her.  He played with one of those toys that has wires and colored beads, and you can manipulate the beads all over the wires.  He reminded me so much of one of our boys--and to protect them from embarassment, I won't tell you which one.  Our boys are both in high school and/or college, but at that moment, I found the past in the present.  Little Nathan was playing with a toy just like what my boys loved to play with, and he had such a cute personality.  After I noticed his compliance, he held his hands out and said, "Where's Daddy?" in the adorable accent of a two-year-old.  I was again transported back to when one of our boys would always want everyone in the room, asking where they were if they went anywhere.  Then, this inquisitive two-year-old began to ask "What's that?" about everything around him; cars outside, the geese outside, which he deemed to be "ducks," and even an older lady's cane.  Again, just like my boy.  I was completely captivated, and began a conversation with him.  When I left to go to the shampoo bowl, I had to sit and wait and my little friend did the cutest thing; he patted the chair where I had been sitting as if to ask me to come back, and then held out a magazine, as if to be more inviting.  He was such a charmer, just like my little boy back then.  His mother even called him a flirt--which my boy was called as well.  It warmed my heart to see the juxtaposition of the past in the present in this way, and I went on with my appointment.  All this time Nate was getting a pretty spiffy haircut--shaved up the sides, spikey on top, the works.  Nate was on the other side of the salon from me, but I caught a glance at him when I was waiting for my stylist.  Nathan was aptly named, because he looked just like his dad.  About halfway through my haircut, things changed drastically.  We heard a plaintive wail of "Mama!  Mama! " accompanied with crying, and, of course tears.  My little friend was having a turn in the barber's chair, and he was not happy!  My stylist's initial reaction was hysterical--she replied "another satisfied customer!" I smiled at that moment--not to make fun of my little friend, but because I now COULD.  You see, I was once the mama with the little man in the chair who cried, screamed and absolutely HATED haircuts.  My little man had to sit on my lap, and we tried everything from physically keeping him in the chair to bribing him to get him through the ordeal of a haircut from the time of his first haircut until he was about four.  The problem with a toddler is that you can't make them understand why they have to do things.  You can't reason with them.  It's really awful when they don't like something and you have to make them do it--whether it's taking medicine, going to bed, potty training, or a haircut.  I remember thinking thoughts at the time like "they must think I'm a terrible parent!"  and "when will this end?"  It was stressful, humiliating, and sad, and I felt like a failure.  But now, I smiled, and I realized that most people in there were smiling as well--especially after the haircut was done.  We all realized that those things happen when you have little people, and that the kid wasn't a brat--he just didn't understand.  We all knew that the stylist was doing his best, as were mom and dad and even my little friend, and that it would all be OK in a few minutes.  And, it was.  Nathan appeared with a darling haircut and a few tears, and a ring pop from the stylist.  As he was leaving, he saw me and waved goodbye.  Then he said, "Goodbye, lady!"  And so, there was a happy ending.

As I reflect on my day, I have a few thoughts.  First, we only have a limited amount of time for opportunities around us.  Just like the landscape of a well-traveled route in my past changed, the world is constantly changing.  We need to make the most of the opportunties presented to us--because there is no guarantee that they will be there tomorrow.  Second, time really does change your perspective.  I remember the stress of having a toddler--and an elementary school student--and a middle school student--and soccer games, school projects, and a host of other past life experiences.  At the time, many things seem overwhelming and larger than life; but, with time, we gain perspective.  If you are a young mom with little kids, let me just say that you have the toughest job in the world--and at the same time the most precious one.  When your little people don't understand and throw a fit, remember that their behavior is not directed at you.  They don't understand, or can't communicate how they feel yet.  They love you, and they need you to hang on and ride out the storm and love them unconditionally before, during and after it.  I also smiled at my little friend--because sometimes his cries were more demanding.  He still said mama's name, but occasionally in the tone of voice that seemed to ask, "Why aren't you doing anything about this?"  Sometimes, we approach God in the same way--we cry to him, sometimes out of desperation, and sometimes with a demand, as if to question why He's not answering.  I'm so thankful that He hears us, and knows when to step in, and when to recognize we just aren't mature yet.

Some day, you may be somewhere and run into a child that reminds you of yours, and at that moment you will smile.  It may be 15 or 20 years later, but that smile will come, if you look for it.  And, if you are an older woman, remember what it was like if you had children and encourage those young gals all you can.  Pray for them.  And, most importantly, model grace, forgiveness and love in your life.  My sweet in-laws adopted a family in their church when they were in their late 50s or early 60s, before their own grandchildren arrived.  The family had twin boys and needed extra help after their delivery.  My in-laws loved those boys and their parents, and consider them as much grandsons as their biological grandsons.  We embroidered shirts with the names of the grandkids for them one year--and the twins names had to be included!  It was a great gift for that young family--and also for my in-laws.  Those twin boys are now grown and married, and still the loving relationship remains.  I think this is a great example for us all--we need each other.  The Bible encourages us older gals to mentor younger gals--to cultivate relationships and pass on what we know.  That's sorely lacking in our culture, and we all need it.  That, and a smile.  Because the past can sometimes help us in the present.

Love someone today.  Actually, where I am, it's tomorrow.  Good night!..---Your Warrior Princess