My parents just celebrated their 57th anniversary on July 14th. I have always thought it was a humorous coincidence that their anniversary was also Bastille Day--but the more I think about it, the more I think it is fitting. In today's society, staying with anything for that long is indeed revolutionary. In fact, staying with anything is an anomaly in our current society--be it a job, a service provider or a relationship. My wireless provider, for instance, will let me upgrade my phone every six months, for crying out loud (provided I shell out the full price for the phone, of course). Society is moving at the speed of light, and in this environment perseverance is a foreign concept. But in thinking about my parents, I have discovered some benefits to a long-term relationship.
Here they are:
1. Deeper friendships. My parents not only have been married 57 years, they attended the same church for over 50 years (I detecting a pattern, aren't you?). Because they were so actively involved in the church, and because all of my grandparents were out of town, the folks in that church became like family. Since I am an only child, the kids I grew up with in that church are like brothers and sisters. I saw some of them recently, and remarked that it was so good to see them at something besides a funeral! I know my parents wouldn't trade these friendships for anything--and neither would I.
2. Better health. My parents are in their 80s, and my dad shows few signs of slowing down. My mother recently had to be put in a care facility, but I know that she was able to be home longer because of my dad's care. Things have not always been perfect for my family, but I really think that my parents' long-term marriage has protected them from some major stress, and therefore some major health issues. People tell me how lucky I am to still have both parents--and I agree.
3. Respect. I have noticed that whenever someone has a 50th anniversary, that a great deal of respect is given them. I think that's because we all know that marriage can be very difficult, and that not everyone lives long enough to get to this milestone. I have also noticed that in most cases, someone will ask for advice on how to stay married for a long time from these folks. The assumption is that there is some magical formula for staying married, but I think my parents' long marriage is a result of two things: commitment and their faith in God.
4. Deeper love. My parents have always loved each other (in fact, they were the parents that embarrassed their teenage daughter by kissing in front of her), but it takes a special love to stay married to someone when they are older, I think. My dad has been so devoted to my mom as she has struggled with her health; he goes to visit her at her care facility almost every day. He has always brought roses in from the yard for her, and he has never forgotten an anniversary, birthday or holiday. My mother always took care of herself and patiently watched sports with my dad (who is one of the few people I know to make being an armchair quarterback an aerobic event--especially when KU is playing!). There is a more mature, more patient and more selfless love that comes with living with someone for many years and experiencing life together, and my parents found that.
Now, I don't want you to get the idea that my parents are perfect, or that they never had a disagreement. They, like most people who are married are completely different; Mother is a detail-oriented person who is very reserved, and Dad is a gregarious, boisterous fellow who looks more at the big picture. The bottom line is that they chose to stay together, and they chose every day to love each other. All of those days added up to years, and now, looking back, they make a beautiful picture of the kind of love God has for us. God wants us to be in a long-term relationship with Him--to know Him deeply, intimately and to develop his kind of love. The agape love that is selfless, giving and timeless. This kind of relationship takes an investment of time, but the benefits are eternal. In fact, you could even say they are revolutionary.
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