This summer I have been taking Physical Therapy, and got approved to do Pool Therapy at a local gym as a part of it. I have always had a complicated relationship with water; I had a swimsuit for social reasons, but I never learned to swim. In fact, I couldn't even float. My dear husband tried to teach me on our honeymoon, but gave up, saying that I "swam like a rock." Looking back, I think there are three reasons I couldn't swim:
1. There were no public pools where I grew up as a kid. You could belong to the YMCA, but it wasn't affordable. So, in my youth, when I probably would have been more fearless, I didn't really get exposed to water.
2. A bad experience--I got too close to deeper water at a pool party in high school and had to be pulled out as I was going down for the third time...scary AND embarrassing...
3. Of all the reasons I couldn't swim, I think this is the most important one: I DID NOT BELIEVE THE WATER WOULD HOLD ME UP. Combine bad water experiences, inexperience and some angst about my weight--and when I would lean back, I would immediately panic. Whether the water was capable of holding me up was irrelevant; my lack of belief made it so that I couldn't float.
This so reminds me of many times in my spiritual walk. It was hard to trust God when I was a new Christian and the experiences of life can make it hard for faith to grow as well. But more often than not, my faith difficulty comes from a lack of belief. I have the whole Bible that tells me about the what God has done and can do---but I had trouble trusting Him to get me through everything from potty training to my youngest being a senior this year. The fact that God can do what He says He will do doesn't mean much if I don't believe. Not that my belief is what causes God's power--but my lack of belief is like unplugging an electrical cord; the result is an absence of His power and provision. God's plan and purpose are still fulfilled--but I don't always get what He intends.
So, back to Pool Therapy, now. I went on a Saturday to the pool to practice my exercises. It just so happened that no one else was there. One of the exercises I had to do at the time was doing bicycle kicks in the water while I supported myself on the pool steps. I noticed that when I tried to kick, that my legs were almost trying to float and I thought to my self--"I wonder... could I actually float?" I decided to lay back into the water, and I tightened my abs--AND I FLOATED. Not just once, either! I can now propel myself through the water, too. I wouldn't quite call it swimming, though; I prefer to think if it as "floating with style." (with apologies to Pixar).
I'd prefer not to tell you how many years I haven't been able to float--but it's been quite a few. I thought about why I could do this, and I came up with three reasons there as well:
1. I was alone. You have no idea how embarrassing it is to be the only person who can't swim. Being alone gave me the confidence to try something I'd failed at before again.
2. I changed my thinking and tried something I hadn't tried before. Instead of thinking "I can't do this!" I thought "I wonder if I could" and tried a new approach.
3. By far the most important reason that I could float this time was that I GAVE MYSELF COMPLETELY TO THE WATER. I leaned all the way back. I got my hair wet. Water got in my ears. And I relaxed.
My lack of ability to float had nothing to do with the ability of the water to hold me up. Every time I go to the pool now I am reminded of how capable the water is in that capacity. It had everything to do with what I believed. When I changed my belief, it changed what I could do. Yes, I can kick my feet and move my arms--but without the ability to float, they aren't worth much.
Spiritually, this is so much the same. My faith is much more effective when I get in a quiet place and pray, and when I change my thinking by meditating on His Word. But the most important thing I have to do is BELIEVE. That's why in Hebrews it says that without faith it is impossible to please God. But when we have faith in Him, in his ability to do what He says He will do, we can walk on water, in a sense, like Peter. This year has been very challenging; there have been many times when I have felt like the storms were going to overwhelm me--but because I have spent time in His Word, prayed and changed my thinking, He has and is literally keeping me afloat. That's right--He is doing it. Not me!
I love going to the pool now--in fact, I hate to get out. I love that feeling of floating, and the ability to do something I couldn't before. It causes me to ask what my life would be like if I applied the same measure of faith to the rest of my life--what could I be doing if only I totally leaned on Him? I sure want to find out! Don't you? Grab your swimsuit and dive in!
I'll either be in the pool--or the Jacuzzi!
